#actually so funny that you're sharing this on day 30 because i am about to post another little scene in this au for halloween 👀

[aoxue]

!!! I LOVE THIS, oh my gosh! Thank you so much for drawing from this story! What a good choice of scene, too…. This AU is so dear to me, and I'm over the moon that this installment made it onto your radar and your Drawtober list -- the art is absolutely lovely.

DRAWTOBER #30 - on the wild nights, who can call you home? by @aoxue

Summer is not yet come, but the sun burns hot, and the air is thick with moisture. New Orleans, delta built and water bound, thirsts for the respite of rain. While working on a case of disappearances in the bayous of Louisiana, cultivators and monster hunters Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen meet a young girl who will change their lives.

case fic!! Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen are cultivators in a (semi?) modern world full of the supernatural, and on one of their cases they wind up (reluctantly) allowing a mouthy little street kid called A-Qing to act as their guide into the baiyu. I looooove the worldbuilding for this fic, the way the spiritual swords can transform into whichever style of weapon is most appropriate for the time, the way the other supernatural denizens of New Orleans are just accepted as fellow citizens (albeit ones you really don't want to piss off). a gorgeous, fun, spooky, self-contained read (although if the author wants to write more in the same universe..... 👀👀👀)

[sillyteecup]

That Dam attitude

Jey Uso × black!reader

Warnings:

18+

Strong language

Suggestive content

Violence, I guess? (don't thump your partners with ores)

Translation: Thixo=God

~A.N: This is me, entering the Bloodline community with a little love for Jey (I need Triple H to stop playing with him and give him a title opportunity) while working on that little Roman AU. Hope you like it. Enjoy. ❤️

30 minutes. That's how long Josh had been sitting on the other side of their shared kayak pouting like a 5 year old. Arms folded, lips pressed, eyebrows furrowed-the whole package. All because he much rather would've stayed back at their booked villa fucking instead of actually adding some adventure to their vacation.

And Siya, was frankly tired of it. "Not you still sitting over there pouting and shit," she commented with an annoyed look on her face.

Looking equally vexed, he replied, "Not you got us in the middle of the fucking ocean at 8 am on vacation," to which Siya rolled her eyes.

"First of all, dumbass it's a dam. Second of all, I did not come all the way out here to fuck, sleep, eat and repeat, I came out here to have fun and relax," she said. The fact that they were in Cape Town where there was so much to see and do (for Josh anyway since Siya had been there plenty of times as a child) and all he wanted to do was move like a damn Neanderthal amazed her. Fucking men.

"Oh, and praytell Siya, which part of any of this is fun or relaxing?" he asked incredulously, gesturing at the kayak. "And I want you to think very carefully about your answer because if you tell me some bullshit about connecting with nature, I will flip this bitch over and we gon' swim back to the dock," he warned.

At this, Siya's eyes narrowed. There was no way this man was serious. "So you, Joshua Fatu, mean to tell me that you would trade in all of this natural beauty and peace for sex? Is that what you're saying to me right now?" They were on a kayak on the Waterfront dam with a perfect view of the Table mountain and the overall serene vibe of one of the most beautiful cities in Africa. And this man wanted to trade that in for some pussy? Bomb pussy, that is but semantics.

He smirked. "Ey ma, let's just say I'd prefer to be knee-deep different type of natural beauty, know what I'm sayin'?" he said, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Usually she'd find this funny and fold like a pretzel, but this time around her pussy was sore from all the work he'd been putting in since they landed 2 days prior, she was already running out of thongs since he kept tearing them off her (with the promise to buy her ne ones of course) and frankly, she was starting to miss being able to walk without holding onto something for support. As a matter of fact, part of her had actually considered having him admitted into a rehab because his addiction to her cooch was on its way to paralyzing her from the waist down.

"You need help. Professional help," she snarked, pointing her acrylic decorated nail at him, making him chuckle.

"Girl you better stop acting like you don't like creaming on this shit," he laughed, right as an older white couple rowed by. They looked aghast, as though they'd heard his comment, which mortified Siya.

"Joshua!" she scolded before apologizing profusely to the other couple, who continued clutching their pearls while they did their best to get as far away as possible from the younger pair. She shot Josh a deadpan look, one he responded to with an innocent shrug.

"Look babygirl, ain't my fault white folk can't mind their business," he said defensively.

Siya lifted her ore and gently thumped him on the head with it, making him hiss. "No, but your big ass mouth yelling our business for the whole fucking continent to hear is your fault. No home training, I swear," she complained as she continued to row.

Still rubbing his head and trying to row with one hand, he frowned. "Oh but when you're the one hollering at the top of your lungs for me to fuck you like a little slut while doin' tricks on the dick, might I add, it's all good?" Josh retorted, to the horror of another older couple rowing by.

"Thixo," Siya heard the older woman gasp. She sent the lady an apologetic smile and let out a string of "sorries" in Xhosa, before turning to glare at Josh again.

"The fuck all these old people doing out here so early anyway?" he exclaimed, albeit, quietly. "This is a sign if you ask me."

Siya was seething. "Fuck, you," she hissed with a deadly glare to match.

"Tuh, I wish you would," Josh replied, earning another, this time less gentle, thump to the side of his head. He raised his eyebrows, challenging his girlfriend to do it again. "Girl, you better stop playing with me, 'else it won't be no discussion."

Another thump.

"Siya," he warned, mildly irritated.

Usually she would stop but this time she was annoyed by his prior antics. "Joshua," she mocked him, moving to deal another thumped, only for him to grab her ore.

His face was set in stone. He definitely wasn't playing anymore. "Stop it," he commanded.

Siya however, was not moved in the slightest. "Or what?" she challenged.

He leaned closer to her, careful not to tip the kayak over as no one was rowing at the moment. "Keep fucking around and you gon' find out real soon," he growled.

Siya kissed her teeth defiantly. "You ain't gon' do shit."

Josh chuckled darkly as he sat back up straight. This girl was clearly dead set on testing his patience and she was gonna reap what she sowed. She didn't know it yet, (or maybe she did) but as soon as they got back to that villa he was gonna put her back in her place and fix that damn attitude.

[burningcheese-merchant]

Little thank-you post!

I have over 100 followers now! Don't really know why any of you are here, I am not funny nor am I interesting, nor do I actually post anything cool lol. But regardless, I'm really grateful for you guys and for your support! (As well as all the anons that reach out to me! Thank you to you all, as well! I enjoy when people actually talk to me, nobody wants to feel like they're rambling into a void lol)

As a sort of mediocre, I'm sorry thank-you, I want to outline what I've got in store for you all next:

Gonna release the BurningCheese playlist soon, it's over 30 songs long now lol. I want you all to jam with me. Rock out to the BurningCheese vibe. (And send me more song recommendations if you want, a lot of what I have now is thanks to homies making suggestions)

PART 2 OF "Mine Forever More" IS COMING VERY SOON! Now that I've played through episode 6 (and had a massive meltdown because BURNINGCHEESE IS CANON OMG /jk), I know what I want to do for the story now. Expect it to be posted within the next day or two! (And also look forward to more short stories, I have a lot planned)

Remember those BurningCheese fankids I've mentioned more than once before? Get excited, you're gonna see and hear about them again soon 👀👀👀

I've gotten asks about my "Reformed Beasts AU" that I've been tinkering with. I promise there will be a masterpost on the subject in the future. I kind of want to iron out my thoughts on the Beasts in general first, and how I headcanon their corruptions (like that "a thought about Burning Spice" post I made). Will probably write about Shadow Milk next, or maybe Silent Salt (I've made up a whole ass character for this guy that I've gotten attached to already lol)

I know I have a bunch of asks in my inbox I still need to answer. I'm sorry for the delay, I promise I will get to you all. I inhabit the real world and have real-world responsibilities like everyone else, unfortunately haha

Gonna remind you all again that my AO3 username is sleeping_mouse_1011, because people have asked me that, too. Do be careful, a lot of my works are NSFW to some degree (that's where I indulge in Yandere Spice lol). I encourage minors to stay here and enjoy my SFW stories instead.

Got a bunch of meme edits to make now, hope those make you laugh. I gotta cope with having no artistic talent somehow

I have thoughts and headcanons I'd love to share about other characters and ships besides Burning Simp and Pretty Cheese Lady lol. I'm actually NOT entirely insane, I am capable of rational discussion about things other than BurningCheese, I swear

Thanks again to everyone who takes the time to rifle through my nonsense posts and read my stories. It really means a lot to me that my works bring people joy. I know I'm still just some nobody on here, but even so. I hope I somehow manage to put a smile on your face. Even if it's more at my own expense than anything else.

That's all from me for now. Merchant out. Later, haters

[sophieinwonderland]

Today is the day I make one lucky cringizen's dream come true!

I've had this screenshot saved for over a month, knowing this day would come! So congrats little cringizen, your wish is finally granted!

Because I'm going to talk about Aspen's bullying of Custom-Emojis, and recount my two minutes in Aspen's server!

So let's see if I can sum this up. Aspen, an anti-endo TikToker, goes into the Custom-Emojis server. She barely says or does anything there. She gets banned for conduct in other places. Rather than moving on, Aspen plays victim while mocking people's triggers, and says she was banned for saying hi.

You can find the story from Custom-Emojis here:

Aspen escalated and is now allegedly openly admitting to bullying Custom-Emojis.

I do say allegedly because these screenshots are from r/systemscringe and I don't actually know what the context is for that second one. But if it's legit, yikes!

Now, I normally wouldn't get involved in this drama. Mostly because I think both parties behaved pretty poorly. Aspen blew a ban out of proportion instead of just moving on, and chose to mock people's triggers in retaliation for banning her. Obviously terrible. But... I also don't support Custom-Emojis following up by telling people to mass report her TikTok. Both seem like massive overreactions that only furthered the conflict.

There are no mature adults in the room.

So why am I talking about this?

Well you see, I have a funny story to share!

See, a while back, when r/systemscringe added Aspen to their hit list, I wanted to see what the deal with her server was. Was it really as bad as r/systemscringe claimed?

So... I joined it... just to see.

I never actually got to find out!

While casually scanning, before posting anything at all, I read people talking about me just joining. They recognized my name. A few were explaining to the mods who I was and that I was an endogenic systems. I think they mentioned I was a tulpa too.

One of them even mentioned following this blogs for the laughs. Which, if you're here now, hi! 🙋‍♀️

And then, everything went black. Well, gray. Point is, I was kicked from the server! Instantly! In what was probably less than 5 minutes having said absolutely nothing!

All for the crime of being an endogenic system.

And at the time, I didn't comment on it. It seemed... disadvantageous. r/systemscringe was focused on Aspen. Aspen and her server was focused on r/systemscringe. Why interrupt that? Why get in the way of ableist anti-endo factions tearing each other apart?

But with this latest incident, I had to talk about the sheer hypocrisy of Aspen's community at being outraged over Aspen getting banned while doing the same exact things!

It's just too funny to not point out the hypocrisy of Aspen and her followers!

Wait... Aspen's Here?

Okay, so everything above I wrote Thursday or Friday. I didn't post then because other things were going on and I wasn't quite ready to get dragged into the drama. Then surprise, Aspen made a new Tumblr! And one of her first acts was invading inclusive tags.

Expanding on what this anon says, the pluralgang tag isn't merely where endogenic systems hang out. It's a tag that was made explicitly for the inclusive plural community.

As a reminder, the "plural" label originated from non-disordered system, and has always been inclusive to all plurals for nearly 30 years. The plural community is our community. And hate isn't welcome here.

Oh, did I mention she tosses around ableist slurs?

Putting aside the blatant ableism against people with schizophrenia with that slur, let's reiterate that the existence of non-disordered and endogenic plurality is back by actual psychiatrists. This is not schizophrenia. It is not a mental disorder.

Transgender Mental Health by Eric Yarbrough explicitly states that you can be plural without trauma or a disorder.

This is a book that was peer reviewed and published by the American Psychiatric Association.

The ICD-11 states you can experience the presence of multiple "distinct personality states" (the same term it uses for alters) without a disorder in their entry on DID.

The existence of non-disordered and endogenic plurality is FACT!

And anyone who says otherwise is either ignorant or lying.

...

...

...

Oh, and since I'm sure this post will get around to r/systemscringe and one or both of its servers, be sure to check out my debunk of r/systemscringe's lies while you're here. 😉

Also, as always when an anti-endo invades inclusive and pro-endo tags, my response is going into anti-endo tags. If any anti-endos don't like this, please take it up with Aspen. I'll respect boundaries as long as the boundaries of our community is respected. Otherwise... 🤷‍♀️

[sweetkpopmusings]

joshua best friend headcanons <3

a/n: this best friends series is giving me so much serotonin, and i love to see others enjoying it!! joshua is so cringe (said lovingly) and i am so very fond of him :,-) my break from work is over after today, so my posts will probably not be as frequent, but i promise this series will continue !! pics not mine <3

content: fluff | wc: 0.8k | warnings: none! | pairing: bestfriend!joshua x gn!reader | requests: open

he's the type of best friend that sees you two as a team

yes, he refers to you both as "the dream team" constantly

and he says it with his whole chest each time

like when one of his members asks what he did on the break, he'll answer "oh, y'know, just got the dream team back together"

they just respond (probably preceded by an eyeroll) "how's y/n doing?"

they're so unfazed by it but they'll tease him about it if you're around. if you join them at an event or a hangout, when you walk in the room they'll cheer because "the dream team is back together again!!!"

they're so dramatic but shua is eating it up actually

unironically will ask you, "is he bothering you, queen/king/my liege?"

he thinks it's so funny like it doesn't matter if you think it's funny he will stick with that bit forever

because he actually does care if people or things are bothering you

he will ask you how you are doing all the time

and he wants genuine answers

he'd never push you or anything like that, but he isn't asking you out of politeness or routine

as your best friend, he is dedicated to your wellbeing

he's so invested in supporting you

if you're trying to overcome a problem, develop a new skill, or complete some random 30-day challenge, joshua is right behind you the whole time

he'll send you encouraging messages, look out for tips he can send your way, and sometimes he'll even take part in it himself!!

truly a great cheerleader to have in your life :,-)

creates traditions for you two

he knows that life is wild and it can be hard to get together and talk as much as you want to

so he ensures that, regardless of what's going on, you two have things that bring you together

it could be based on a shared interest! maybe you both really like this one youtube channel, so you always watch the new content together

i would not be surprised in the slightest if he signed y'all up for silly subscription boxes

like yes there's a monthly service that sends you mini science experiments and yes joshua got you both a year-long plan and yes he expects "shua & y/n's science session" to be a whole event every time

it was somewhat of a joke at first because shua loves being ridiculous but you both ended up loving it so much that you looked forward to each new box

he's very protective of you <3

he's always looking out for you, so he is pretty invested in how people treat you

whether it's in the workplace, in your friend circles, in romantic relationships, and even in your family (bio, chosen, or otherwise)

he wouldn't meddle in your relationships, but he's not afraid to speak up if someone is not treating you with the respect and care you deserve

he always respects your decisions, but he will never hold back an opinion that is for your benefit.

he won't get mad if you disagree with him either like he's the king of promoting autonomy, agency, and self-respect <333

he works hard to earn your trust, which is why you trust his judgment

and he goes to you for the same thing

he nevers wants you to beat around the bush with him

your bond is too special for superficial pleasantries like that

you both know each other so well that it only makes sense to be transparent with one another

which is why he'll come to you with some of his biggest concerns, insecurities, etc

because you're the one person who can see him for who he is without him worrying about putting on a persona or performance

and he's so grateful to you for that, more than he could ever express

so after a heart-to-heart he'll just look you directly in the eyes and say a soft yet strong "thank you"

and then make a lil joke because whoa it got real serious and he's a lighthearted guy

takes a lot of pictures of you / you two together !

he will send you the pictures where you are making a funny face and threaten to use it as blackmail <3

if you try to do the same he'll just go "good luck, i'm beautiful in everything :-)"

and you're like yes but have you considered you're also an idiot <3

runs ideas by you for weird things he can do to shock his members

he knows the water bits always kill, but he's looking to take things to the Next. Level. so he's scheduling a meeting with you to walk through his bit prototypes and maybe even doing some trial runs with you

he's taking it so seriously and you're like wow you're a dumbass and he's like "thank you so much so what was your rating on the tearaway pants trick again?"

boy has a clipboard and everything i swear

joshua is just such a funny and strange guy who wants to add value to your life because you bring so much to his!! he'll always be there for you, rain or shine, and he reminds you constantly of how special you are :,-)

joshua if you're taking applications for besties please let me know and i'll submit my resume asap!!!

[fuwaprince]

hey. are you okay friend?

No, I'm not and c'est la vie! Sometimes you're okay and sometimes you're not. Thanks for checking in sweet friend 🫂 I hope you're having a beautiful day! 💕

Yesterday I helped Mr. Leonard deep clean his home that we're still trying to save and this morning I unfortunately headed back to the hag house I reside in! He was so nice. Sent me home with half his cookies and told me to share with the people who were kind enough to give me a ride. I didn't even mean to stay over last night but I was just so tired after cleaning... I slept for a whole 10 hours! Kind of a miracle for me. I must've been comfortable

Soon as I got back to the hag house and started to microwave my usual (a single jumbo corn dog), I was rudely interrupted and told by the biggest bitch here that I am no longer a part of the household even though I am living here for the next 30 days still???? They can deny the reality (that I have been part of this house since the day I moved in) and believe in whatever delusion they so badly want to- fine!!! But the sucky part is that they say I can no longer help myself to the food my fucking rent covers because of that decision... Wackadoodle :/ Funny how the carpet slides around. They're literally fattened up by greed. They're willing to starve me down to nothing if it means I'll die faster than I can move out. Whatever it takes to drive me away I guess since the other terror tactics just didn't work! She was giving me attitude and rude comments. Other housemate blasted trans hate (happy pride btw). Got defensive af over their food in their kitchen :/ whatever

Good news is that I reapplied for food stamps after a friend motivated me to. I'm fucking praying that this time my fucked up mother doesn't sabotage it by denying me my fucking mail again like she did last time which resulted in me starving/withering all summer of last year! I should've had it this whole time... Hopefully it gets processed soon. Phone interview will take place once the weekend is over... I hope there's a way to expedite it.

If I had my own PO box then I wouldn't have to depend on my mom actually giving me my mail... I don't have a key and don't live there with her anymore but this mailing address won't work. The people here tamper with my belongings out of hate. Why? Who knows. I try not to think about the whole "what if I was a pure white lesbian instead of a brown trans traitor? Would they respect me then?" rabbit hole. I don't care. Even if I was respectable to them, I wouldn't be their friend based on how they'd treat others. Anyways, yeah. Coming back home sucks. People are mean. My heart rly hurts and keeps acting up. Stings and feels like I'm going to pass out from time to time. It's hurting more than usual and bothering me as I type this

My on and off boyfriend also texted me saying he got hit by a car a few hours ago (he's okay, apparently.... Although I question since he refused to go to a hospital). Stresses my poor heart out to hear that tbh. But yeah. Maybe I'll go on a night walk or something. I hate this house that I'm in. If Mr. Leonard lived any closer I would just walk back there and beg him to let me in. I would feel better if I was out of here and around compassionate people. I'm gonna be okay

[iaus]

For the ask thing: 30, 23, 4! Sorry if you’ve already done these but also you can double dip if the question allows for it idc

30: share a fic you’re especially proud of

okay. this one. god. i already know the answer right off the fuckin bat. so you're gonna get kind of a little. history here.

TL;DR of it is for a long fucking time i had a weird complicated relationship where i felt peer pressured into writing stuff for other people that i didn't enjoy writing (and at times outright hated). this ended with me dropping writing/sharing my writing publicly for like 7-ish years i think? it was a good stretch of time. i like REFUSED to engage with anyone.

but then. i started playing darkest dungeon. and i was struck with this urge to write bounty hunter/flagellant (tardif/damin or bhf as i tag it). and that led to me feverishly writing the nearly 16k of when i'm in control (when i'm out of my mind) in days. and it is like. the first fic i have unabashedly loved in 10+ years.

i loved the dialogue, the action sequences (which are really hard for me to write!!), the pacing, and i loved writing a softer but still rough interpretation of tardif (he's the mass murderer i keep mentioning who kills crime lords and collects teeth).

like straight up, i think if i did not write this fic i would not be as active as i currently am within the sb tag. i adore it. i may bitch and moan a bout dd2 but dd1. my fucking beloved.

23: pick three keywords that describe your writing

this one's fun i'll happily do it again

so last time i did the moody answer of "dense, dishonest, yearning" which i'm still laughing. especially at dense. motherfucker of too many words. but i think another three might be:

frenetic, dramatic, and meandering (positive).

i feel like my writing can have this like. oh my god this person has (undiagnosed) ADHD huh quality to it at times. so.

4: a story idea you haven’t written yet

i know i mentioned earlier the idea of new teacher porter meeting an already established jace teaching at aguefort... but i mean. i think the other idea that's kind of rattling around my head is either of my text posts where jace is like FUCK WHO YOU WANT and then they end up banging or even...

expanding on the idea of porter seeing jace flirting with a guy when they're on break and then just starts being like you wanna come over? because it's so clear in my head and it's so funny especially after @jadeandquartzes replied and was like... but porter having to break into his own house through the back so he can actually open the door from the inside it's so funny. i might have to write it. but then knowing me it's gonna turn into a monster 😭

also. i'm not even going to lie i was thinking about one of my bg3 characters who's a monk dragonborn and the idea of porter feeling inadequate because jace was about to get dragonborn dick is SO funny to me but. that's. well.

[thee-morrigan]

now that I've had a couple of days to go through SEVERAL stages of mental illness about book 3, I have…Some Thoughts. about the book in general and specifically about N's route, as so far that's the only one in which I've gone through most (if not all) of the interaction variations (yes, I have approximately 83253 tabs open rn. I told y'all I'm being very unwell about this). I've played through M's route several times so far too, but there were fewer standout "wait, what?" moments for me in that route tbh 🥴

below the cut: the peer review nobody asked for! (and my sincerest apologies lmao)

I really need Mishka to hire professional copy editors for these books, y'all. There are grammar/syntax errors that just. shouldn't be there. (and I don't even mean the nitpicky ones that I'm super anal about! I mean ones like using 'stationary' when you mean 'stationery'.)

somewhat related to the above bullet, I hope the testing period for book 4 is a lot longer than it was for book 3. there are some inconsistencies in the narrative that I suspect would have been caught if there'd been more time between the beta testing and the book being sent to HG.

for example, if you trigger the sex scene options in N's combat route, there is at least one errant reference to the feel of denim when like. you're both in workout clothes (and there is significant time spent describing both N's and the MC's outfits!). ALSO, when you go back inside for the debriefing with UB, F & M tease N about their jeans being unzipped when, again: there were no jeans or zippers involved. It's a funny scene after the equivalent research options, but it makes no sense post-combat ones without editing for attire differences.

while I'm thinking about the research scene on N's route, the fact that the MC can confess their love and N flat out says NOTHING in response??? just immediately jumps to gettin' busy despite the MC explicitly asking them to say something in response??? what will probably be Holland's canon route is fine, because the combat path has a "scared by own feelings" choice and you know homegirl immediately tried to yeet herself out of that potential conversation bc they've been dating for all of 30 seconds at this point. BUT knowing that that path was fine bc it happened to fit my OC honestly just made me more annoyed for anyone playing with a different/more emotionally mature/open detective. because going through the "i love you" options in the research scene especially were disappointing.

again, related to the above, the narrative inconsistencies (and the bulky plot) made the pacing often feel inconsistent. there were so many moving pieces and story beats that a lot of scenes felt either rushed (without seeming like that pace was tonally/narratively appropriate) or unnecessarily truncated. I also felt like there were a lot of points of abrupt info-dumping that was clearly meant to give background info on UB/other characters/plotpoints but ended up feeling inorganic/unnatural in terms of actual relationship-building. or, alternatively, like it was meant to build to a resolution point later in the book that just never happened.

for example: the whole post-Unit Victor scene where your LI shares some of their past with you. It didn't feel quite as abrupt/odd in my M route playthroughs, but the flow was JARRING for me in N's. And the abrupt end to that scene is never revisited. like, I understand the conversation maybe not coming up again, but for neither of them to even linger on what were presumably heavy emotional topics or think about it again at what could have been relevant points throughout the book seemed to dilute what I assume was meant to be an important scene.

speaking of things that are basically not revisited when they really should be, if N's overprotectiveness is going to continue to be a defining trait and the MC can continue to be explicitly bothered by it, I am begging for book 4 to let them have an uninterrupted, private conversation about it - particularly after the whole "I don't know how this is going to work" scene after the auction. because if this is how it already is and there are 4 more books, their relationship is going to be so (much more) unhealthy.

a more positive note! I did think it was ~interesting to see the juxtaposition of N's constant over-the-top "romantic gestures/sentiments" schtick against the responses you can get when you invite them to dinner but choose either the "you don't have to go if you would be uncomfortable" or "I'll call it off if you're not feeling it" option. with the former, N's response is that relationships are doing things for the other person/doing things they want to do, and they seem genuinely baffled when the detective immediately disagrees. with the latter, they seem equally surprised at the detective's willingness to ditch dinner for them. it's a brief thing, but both of their potential responses give the impression that N's perception of those statements is disproportionate to their actual significance. I mean. it's a dinner party that the detective almost forgot about entirely. clearly they don't give a shit about rescheduling/going alone. moreover, towards the end of the book, N explicitly worries about not "being enough" for the MC. for whatever reason, N clearly seems to think they're like, constantly on the verge of losing the detective in a different way than they worry about losing them to the neverending string of external threats, and I do hope it's meant to be the foreshadowing I think it is.

[iwontheidgafwar]

Fifteen Years From Now

Fifteen years from now, I wonder if we will look back and remember how cruel we became during this time. Fifteen days ago I had a conversation with a cousin of mine about the time we find ourselves in. He is a nut-job. Centrist rambler who would not shut up about dopamine cycles and how he had cut out sugar... all while finishing five pieces of nicotine gum. He has a funny man-way of being right. In pretending I'm dumb by intentionally misunderstanding me, he was better able to label me an idiot. Same thing my dad does. It is a fruitful weapon.

I think a lot of our cruelty comes from these dopamine cycles that are a byproduct of the capitalist hell we live in. He agreed with me on this. Maybe that says something about the point I made. Anyways, I made the point that we are essentially mind-fucked beyond belief, in the sense that we believe the state we live in is the only state there is to live in. Specifically, Americans believe this—that capitalism is the only true form of society.

In consumerist America, buying is equated to living. Experience is buying. You share beautiful experiences over the third shitty t-shirt you bought off of the backs of exploited children. Quickly, too. All in an instant. Earn, buy buy buy, grieve, earn... So that you can buy again. I buy these clothes, therefore I am. I buy this book to read, to have, therefore I am. I buy, therefore, I am. Our phones are just another gear in the production of a material self that will cease to exist, along with your favorite vinyl and the ironic sweater you "had to buy" at the thrift store.

Our phones are capital in a sense. My time is money, attention and content are products, and this exchange seems to contribute to our faulty sense of self in the same way products do. I receive this acclaim, therefore I am. I view this type of content, therefore I am. I jack off to this type of porn, therefore I am. This subsection of people hates me (and I hate them), therefore I am; but, I won't always be.

We will never except this though. Who would? So, in place of our fear of death, we turn to "living." Reactionary beliefs. Hatred. Obsession. Irony.

Irony is the cruelest thing of all. It is the monolithic testament to our minds melting away to consumerism. It says "I am so afraid of death, I would rather not live so I wouldn't miss it." Irony is fear. Irony is a bid for acclaim. Irony helps you spiral further into the nothing burger of material possession. And it is too fun. It is too easy. It makes you feel smart, does it not? To be in on the winning side of the joke, holding all the cards in a game of cards where the cards are nothing and nothing can be won and you aren't actually ever playing. You're being played.

It's not like I am not ironic all the time. I am. And I hate it. Throw my phone into the river. Throw everything that fuels this fear of life away and embrace living. I think we will look back in fifteen years and remember this period as everyone being cruel; because, in a sense, we are still primal beings compared to what we could be. Everyone talks about being addicted to dopamine, but no one talks enough about its implications in our social landscape. As primal, consumerist beings (not really our fault...) we eat up and shit out anything that stimulates us. Eat up infamy, shit out regret. Eat up righteousness, shit out regret. Everything is single-use nowadays, and so we treat each other in the same way. The immense cruelty we see as a byproduct will pass when we are no longer exploited. I'll check back in fifteen years.

30/10/24

[swaglet]

How did you make friends?

I'm kinda weird like you and I have aspergers and it's so hard for me to make friends and maintain friendships

UNDER DA CUT BECAUSE I STARTED YAPPING. THIS SHIT IS LONG. BUT I GOT U NONNIE

honestly i'm 100% with u on the "maintaining friendships" struggle... i love my friends sm but maintaining our relationship like hanging out regularly and having average conversations (idek what that means) has never come naturally to me and people worry i don't like them or that i'm ignoring them so i have to let them know that i just go MIA a lot and my favorite thing to do to communicate with people i like is to tell them about my day and then show them things i think are funny that i have on my phone. i always get the "i miss you we need to hang out more :(" from everybody so this summer i've really been working hard on making plans (even if it's just driving down to a cafe or a public beach at a dam and hanging out going for a walk) with my friends every so often and following thru with those plans. ever since i was little i have ALWAYS always struggled sooo hard with the maintenance part i wish i had more advice but honestly the best way i've found to mitigate that is sending them memes and things that make you think of them, and then every so often being like "do you want to go do this thing we like to do when we're both free" and stick with it. it can be completely free like just go drive around and go to walmart and touch the stuff on the shelves and laugh. this is the hardest part for me. i lose so many friends to my lack of maintaining friendships and seeming like i'm completely disinterested when i 100% am not and don't know how to appropriately ask people to hang out or do friend things (like. how often is normal, what activities are normal for friends, etc. but i try not to worry about it and just be myself). if anyone has better advice about this than me feel free to add on

for me i don't struggle as much with making friends as i do with keeping them, i can't tell if it's either me just ending up not clicking with someone after i get to know them better and we don't fit well so i drift away and keep them at acquaintance level, or if i do actually like them and am just kind of inept at remembering how & when to plan hangouts and how & when to communicate with friends in the proper way, but it's probably a mix of both for sure. to make friends i just go about my daily life and do whatever i would normally do, like go to class (which involves a lot of entomology and ecology stuff), go to rehearsal for band and theater and choir, and other stuff that i am passionate about and interested in.

the "DO STUFF YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT AND INTERESTED IN" has been a very important part for me because by just being in a place doing something i'm interested in, there is a high chance that other people who share my interests will also be there. my bug classes are full of people who like to go outside and run around in the grass with bug nets and catch & identify bugs. i actually met one of my best friends rn through my intro entomology & plant systematics classes that i was taking sophomore year and we are still friends to this day and after we both graduate we will both be working on a local restoration project together, because back then we bonded over our passion for natural habitat restoration & educating the public and we figured why not work together on that. most of my other friends come from being in band and choir because we spend a lot of time together (at least 8 hours per week every single day) and when you're in a band with like 30 people you all eventually talk to each other, especially if you're really good at what u play and ppl come to u asking for advice.

idk if this is cringe or not but another thing i do is like, i put little trinkets of things i like onto my bags. just on my lanyard, i have a bunch of things: a drumstick keychain charm, a ferret decal keychain charm, a pikachu figurine keychain charm, another mallet charm specifically for the steel drums i play that my hs director made for all of us. i sometimes have a pokemon card in my phone case and i also have stickers from The Last Of Us inside my phone case as well. and i have a bunch of stickers on my laptop and my water bottle and a bunch of pins and keychains on my bookbag as well of stuff that i like. people will come up to me or be sitting near me and say "hey, i really like that thing too!" or "what is that thing (steel drum mallet) on your keys?" and then it opens an opportunity for a somewhat easy conversation. i do this to people all the time; "hey i saw your butterfly pin on your bag, i think it's really cute! where did you get it?" and sometimes they just aren't interested in talking and that's ok but sometimes other people ARE interested and then you guys talk. one of my current best friends is someone i met in band camp; he was wearing a The Last Of Us shirt, it was his very first week on campus as a new freshman at our meet and greet bonfire, and he unfortunately had his blood sugar drop super low and he got really sick and had to sit down, so i sat down with him and made sure he was ok, and i always carry apple juice in my car and snacks in my bag like peanut butter crackers and gummies and stuff like that so i gave him some and we hung out and talked about his shirt while he sat and waited till he felt better. he also wanted to take his shoes off because he was really hot but didn't want to be weird so i was like "do it bro make yourself comfortabe, i'll take my shoes off with you if it makes you feel better" so then we were just sitting in the grass with our dawgs out. Bonding experience. anyways moral of the story is have things that you're interested in and ppl might ask u about them. i also go up and ask ppl about stuff because i am way too brave. also if someone is drawing i will be like "hey not to bother you but i saw that you were drawing! mind if i sit next to you and draw too or could i see?" this one is harder to execute i will not lie but i like being around other artists

going to college and doing as many activities and joining as many clubs as you can is like a cheat code to make friends. i'm sure it's even easier if you live on campus but i commute so i'm not around people 24/7 like my friends were. i met my bf and all my close friends through band, choir, or theater and we all have just stuck. even if you don't go to college, try to join a local event like a town theater club if you're interested in that or a book club or go to like axe throwing classes or sum shit that interests you, anything you can find in town that meets regularly and is a public thing where anyone can come to and it's about shared interests. i have no idea how to be friends with people if i don't share interests with them so having that common ground to start with is like a necessary step for me Always

i like to go bird watching with my friends a lot or go bug catching with them and we bring some stuff like watermelon and sandwiches and fruit and veggies to have a little picnic while we do. just chill little hangouts like that

Umm i hope this helped. i have never been very shy not even as a kid i've always been really loud and kind of obnoxious and very interested in what other people are doing since i've been very little and i get really bored and weird when i'm alone so sometimes i just go out of my way to talk to random people and over the years i've learned how they'll respond if they don't want to speak to me so i can either keep speaking if they're fine or say bye and walk away if they aren't interested. i kind of just do my own thang and people are charmed by me so they come up to me most of the time. i love to yap so i'll yap to whoever wants to listen and then we become friends. one of the things i do to people who i've recently become friends with is send them silly pictures of birds and be like "look at this weird looking bird picture i found" and if they aren't bothered by that then we can be good friends

another thing is that like, once you make friends with one or two people they will mention you to THEIR friends who also probably like similar things and then you can express interest in meeting them as well and all hanging out together. and then it's like. Free friends!

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

I Heard Your Laugh in London

This post is a cross between a bad poem and bad stream of consciousness studded with bad photos (which in my opinion is all bad, but here I am doing it anyway).

Before the plane over the ocean took off, at the gate we waited at, these quotes were over our heads in the seats. Then we were up for about 30 hours. No one could sleep on the plane. We were pretty exhausted and punchy when we arrived in Dublin, but check in times don't align well with flight landings. So we were off to wander the Dublin streets until our room was ready. We overpaid a lot for a mediocre breakfast-still the most money we've spent on a meal in 10 days...many others much better for less money. And we slept and we slept and we slept when we got inside a room. The next day we went to a library with an ancient text we weren't allowed to photograph. J said we had an extra ticket because 4 cost the same as 3. I know the extra ticket was meant for you. Over the special book we were there to see was another quote from Jorge Luis Borges "I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library." And then outside the pub we ate inside for lunch we saw this

As if I doubted your presence with me without it. In Belfast, there was a mural of words on the wall I didn't get pictures of, nor did I memorize it, but it went something like 'Yeah you're here and so am I-it's all real-and so I say Hello Hello Hello' right outside the doors of our converted apartment hotel. In Scotland we saw at least one piper on the street every day. Bagpipe music has always made me emotional. And then we passed this pub

Outside the pub we actually ate inside (my son ate haggis-my son-the kid who had to be bribed to eat pizza when he was 6) was this planter

L spent the past week back home from Colorado while we were here. I picked her up from the airport so I could see her for a couple of hours before we left. One of the few texts to come through since we've left home was a photo of her with D and B getting ice cream. I love the picture. And so many people, including L, including new acquaintances and my closest friends, have said how excited they are for me to be on this trip. But when I saw that photo, I missed L, I missed D and B, I missed having ice cream with them. I miss my dog. I miss my own bed and my own shower and soap. I miss alone time with J. I miss my goofy high school kid job at the library. I miss you. Traveling now mostly just makes me miss things.

We rode the train to London 2 days ago and this was scribbled (or maybe pasted?) on the sign installation directly in front of the bench we sat on

J started not feeling well on the train ride. We got off and lugged our bags to a taxi and as he drove us through the streets from Kings Cross to the next hotel room with weird soap and weird showers, windows down, I heard your laugh. I didn't see whose face it erupted from, don't know what country they were from (maybe another American over here) or what they thought was so funny, but it was yours. The same booming, bawdy guffaw I used to hear at least a few times every time I'd see you in person. I heard it here. I heard your laugh in London. I know it wasn't you. But it also was.

J still feels badly. We've seen all the sights anyway. But he won't kiss me goodnight. We won't share food at restaurants. He doesn't even hold my hand down the city streets, and I can tell he kind of wishes he could sleep in another room than me and our son, be sure he doesn't want to make us sick too. No one will see that in our photos.

Another day and we'll be headed to Paris. Which I know is supposed to thrill and delight me. Ah, Paris. The City of Lights. Romance. Art. All of that. Yeah yeah. Oui oui. I'll go and I'll try to wring the joy out of the moments I can, even if J is still under the weather (or if more or all of us are). I'll try to appreciate the privilege travel is- that I get to see all this art and culture and splendor in person, when so many people never get to leave their home town. I'll try. But I kinda just want to go home. I don't like air travel. I don't like hotel rooms. I don't like being away from my dog or being away when J feels lousy.

We'll be away for 9 more days. (Christ it already feels like we've been gone a whole lifetime and that's another one to go). I'm counting them. And I'll keep alert for more signals that you're here with me. Because I heard your laugh in London.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Heartstopper S2

Alright, I have gathered my psychological strength, onto season 2!!

Charlie and Nick's little "hi"s are very sweet to me, they just always seem so happy to see each other

"Kissing at school is a terrible idea," said Nick, both accurate, and in direct contradiction to his actions in the hallway on sports day not so long ago

I understand that Nick is not happy with his rugby friends but it does put him in a rough position to be isolating himself from his long-time companions at a time when he's dealing with a lot of change

What up with Mr. Farouk, why did he yell "QUIET" at the top of his voice like anyone had really been saying anything audibly:

"No chatting, no phones, no annoying questions." Genuinely what is the point of a study hall like this!! Talking to people can help you revise!! The internet can help you revise! Why have desk partners or a study time at all if you're going to be so incredibly restrictive about what resources they use. Mr. Farouk we've just met but you seem like your pedagogy needs some work

The way neither Nick nor Charlie have any respect for authority LMAO. Both texting in class immediately after the teacher starts talking

"I want to rejoin the rugby team." The valiant return of Rugby Romance!!! It is very funny how Charlie's motivation for rugby is 1) Nick and 2) Sport, in that order

"But maybe being weird is how he expresses his romantic feelings." LMAO true

The panic in Tao's eyes upon his romantically-charged friendship touching his hair. A visual demonstration of 🚨WEE OO WEE OO WHAT'S GOING ON 🚨

"How did you know this is my favourite chocolate bar?" HAHAHAHAHA, Heartstopper joining the likes of every Thai show I've ever watched when it comes to sponsor integration. Perfect. Product placement is allowed if it amuses me:

"If we're out by the time we're on the Paris trip, we can kiss on the Eiffel tower." Nick is sooooo romantic. Also it's windy up there

Baffling to me that all these teens are allowed to have a sleepover, not only because of it a being mixed-gender event, but also because half of them are DATING EACH OTHER

Sidenote: I love that Nick does have a support system in these friends

Side sidenote: Whichever tumblr coder took away my indented bullet list ability. Meet me in the Denny's parking lot

Elle and Tao's almost kiss in the garden 🌻💛 This friend group IS incapable of platonic activities

Tao every time Nick says anything: U shut ur mouth, Rugby Boy

"You didn't like me because you're gay." "Well, I... I'm bisexual actually." YEAHHHHHHHHH Nick also fjfhfjhfjk Imogen

It makes me happy how warm and yellow the colouring of this ep is

"Nick is banned from sleepovers from now on." Hater energy, but fair hahahahaha this is what I expected

Quite honestly I am unable to see Tori as any age but 30 LOL. smth about her reminds me of Catherine Tate's Comic Relief skits:

"I can protect him," said Charlie, like he can run faster than homophobia. (I'm with you on the concern, Tori)

Is each season going to have a colour theme? Because this ep looks quite yellow too, where a lot of the last season was blue

Charlie abandoning his schoolwork stresses me out LOL BOY

Rough for Imogen to be dating Ben, he sucks

"It's not my fault he liked me before you." "I hate you because you literally assaulted him." Good for Nick for calling it what it is

"Sorry, am I not allowed to like girls as well as boys?" Ben said, bisexuality is not only for the sound of mind

Nick softlaunching his relationship with a picture of his dog and boyfriend:

Really bold of Elle to declare the art school friends as new friends for life after one (1) day of interaction but more power to her I guess. I love that she is making more friends, and specifically trans and non-binary friends because it really does change your life to meet people with shared identities 😭❤️

Fjkfkfjhf Tao representing my diasporic experience and replying in English while being spoken to in your mother tongue

"He's done some really bad stuff." "What? What'd he do?" "I can't tell you." I feel like you COULD say he assaulted someone without saying who but I respect Nick not wanting to even come close to outing someone

"I don't actually have that many friends." Colour me crazy, Imogen, but I kinda think that's cause you're never at your own school

This GCSE scene with Nick is exactly why I need psychological strength for this show, it's a visual representation of a panic attack

HAHAHAHHAHA the juxtaposition between Tao's mum, who loves Elle and wants her to live in their house, vs. Elle's mum, who refers to Tao as "that boy of yours"

"I just... I just wanted to meet the guy that, you know, turned my little brother gay." Get fucked David, and get out

David said: I am homophobic AND biphobic. I can do both

You know, I'll give my brother this credit, when he found a little gay picture of me he just handed it back and minded his business

Me @ Charlie's mum: Strict parents raise sneaky kids

"Charlie, this is not your fault," said Nick, even though Charlie would take fault for breathing if he could

Tao also representing the diasporic experience of being handed cut up fruit when you're sad

The Elle and Tao pic being Tao's phone background gjkkgjhgjhg

"Honestly, Elle could do better. And she probably doesn't even like me back, and this is probably going to destroy our friendship, it's going to destroy our friendship group, and it's going to leave me devastated for years to come. So, this is probably a really selfish and stupid thing to do, but I'm going to tell her. Help me." Wow, I did not anticipate this level of emotional honesty from Tao. Good for him!

"We're sorry about what happened at the cinema. We should've spoken up." Awwww Rugby Boys Redemption

"I know you and Charlie are really good mates." The immediate cutaway to them kissing is the funniest thing this show has ever done

Ah, well it was only a matter of time before one of the teachers so their many, many school kisses. I hope Coach Singh is cool about it

"Lots of lesbians in women's rugby. That's how I met my wife." YEAHHHHH Coach Singh! Sometimes stereotypes DO comfort me

I loooooove that Nick has a teacher on his side now. Good for him!!

"And, uh, maybe keep the kissing outside of team practice." [Nick sighs and leaves] He's absolutely gonna keep kissing at school, they're irrepressible

"It's fine. It's done." CHARLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE why will you take responsibility for everything all the time except the one thing you need to take responsibility for, which is your history essay

Charlie submitting essential coursework five minutes before it's due. Honestly relatable

It wasn't until I heard "Je m'appelle Elle," that I remembered Elle's name is literally 'she' in French LMAO. I feel like that'd be a confusing name to have in France

"You're going to be so annoyed with me after [Paris]. " "Awww, but I love you because of how annoying you are." This is my love language

Wow, Tao, this new haircut and confidence is working for you:

As a sidenote: Cutting your hair when you believe someone else likes you is a bold move. Hair can change a lot kjghgjhgkjh

The way their friends rush them after they agree to go out!!! I love this friend group

Awww, it's fun that Isaac has a newfound relationship in James, even though I am like, 90% sure Isaac's going to be uninterested in romance as a whole

"Look after him, or you die." Tori's Pre-Party Shovel Talk

"Just think of us being out as a couple in Paris." 1) Do you think your teachers will still let you be roommates if they know you're dating and 2) Not terribly convincing when Nick looks like he's gonna be sick

Nick is truly popular against his own will LOL

"Are we ready to burn some shit?" It's INCREDIBLE how Harry, after multiple instances of Nick telling him he doesn't like him and literally getting into a fistfight, continues to throw his arm around him and act like they're pals. Nick is too kind to write him off completely at this juncture

"You're the one who said we'd always put our friendship first. You promised." "Well, I guess romance does ruin friendship." I do think Elle has been pretty unkind here. I know Tao is acting out-of-character, but he's doing it to impress Elle, and she's responded by inviting her friends, who Tao doesn't know, to the latter half of their date

Also like, what'd he do? Took her to a movie she loves and he doesn't, got a haircut, and went to a party? None of these are particularly out-of-line

"Maybe he was just nervous." "I'm fundamentally unlikeable." Oh Tao, dating do be that way sometimes

"Nick doesn't want to talk to you, Harry. Piss off." Very assertive of Charlie, good for him

Even though they're in England, it'd honestly never occurred to me that they'd be leaving for Paris on a bus

Counting Isaac and James, there's a lot of Romantic Situations on this Bus:

"What the hell was that?" said Tao, about Nick speaking French, like he doesn't know Cantonese

Skjhkjdhdjh Tao and Isaac immediately preventing Nick and Charlie from sharing a bed

SOMETHING is going to happen between Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi, and while it'd be fun if it was something gay, I think it's going to be homophobic, bc this show just isn't THAT fun

HAHAHAHA Tao just slamming down the apple juice on Elle's table and running away

"I need a drink. An alcoholic drink." "We probably shouldn't drink alcohol." "I need a croissant then." WILL IT be gay? Please sirs

Isaac should also probably take the 'am I gay' internet quiz

"Oh, my dad's French." "Since when?" "Since.... his birth?" Nicolas Nelson u are so funny and cute

Does Charlie have a bit of disordered eating? We've seen him beg off having food a fair few times

HAHAHA the way Elle is like, "I don't want a man who takes me to movies I like, I want someone who jump scares me in museums!"

"It's like all he cares about is having a girlfriend." Probably true, Imogen

I do have to wonder how much anyone other than Nick knows about what happened with Ben LOL

Yikes for Charlie @ having to sit next to Ben. Also. Imogen HAS to see what the hell is up here, there's been SO MANY loaded glances

Update from like 1 minute later: Seen, spilled, and SPLIT UP:

"There's no need to call her a bitch," said Harry, suggesting he's okay with homophobic slurs but draws the line at derogatory language towards women

I love that Nick and Charlie mututally silently agree to go and comfort Imogen. They are her Teenage Guardian Angels

"Everything would be so much easier if I was into girls." Is that true, Imogen?

"You care about your friends so... loudly." A very good way to describe Tao

Tao after Nick compliments him a bunch: I have to leave immediately

Nick said: In the spirit of France, I've decided to try necking

HAHAHAHHAAH the "Oh fu—" cut off on Charlie learning he has a hickey

This is one situation in which it would be better for Charlie NOT to be out because the list of people who could've given him a hickey goes: Nick, Tao, Isaac or James, so I really don't see this being the best situation for anyone

"I don't give a rat's arse, rude boy. Grow up." Is a CRAZY response for a teacher to say to "I don't want to be with Neck Nelson."

"Charlie didn't give me a chance to figure myself out, and then you came along, and you stole him from me." 1) Can't steal a person 2) You assaulted him, Ben and 3) Figuring yourself out does not equal treating people like shit! See: Nick

I wonder how much it costs to film at the Eiffel Tower. Must be a common request

"Hey Nick. Is that hickey from you then?" "What if it was? Are you jealous?" YEAHHHHH NICK

"Did Harry just stick up for us?" "I think he did." "Weird." All Harry required was one (1) empathy lesson from Isaac to develop a conscience

"You do know it was me, right?" Nick is so proud of himself HA

Ohhhhh Tao's comment about accidentally outing Nick from last season makes a lot more sense in the context of him being overheard about Charlie

Little Charlie and Tao are soooo cute omg

Awwwww Charlie making a Charlie and Tao love lock for the bridge ❤️ Sweet boy

"People might think you gave me this hickey if you keep this up." It would be EXTREMELY funny if people assumed that Charlie had somehow gathered a gay boys' school polycule

Is the Louvre background greenscreened kjghkjghg I can't tell. The Mona Lisa shot almost certainly has something up

"You don't have to understand your feelings completely to know you like something." Hahahaha Nick being the subtle matchmaker of Elle and Tao this season is something I couldn't have predicted, but I adore

I am growing more and more sure several of the painting scenes are greenscreened haha. I guess renting out every room in the Louvre was out of the budget, very fair

"You said it was just a casual 'I love you.' You didn't mean it like that." "But you know I did. You know I do." Awww Tara

Tao and Elle, while their best friend Charlie is passed out on the floor of the Louvre:

"I don't do poses." "Yes, you do. Go on." I think Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi should develop a little flirtationship. As a treat

"Charlie, I've noticed you, uh, don't really eat a lot. Generally." Me too, Nick

NOT CHARLIE TRYING TO APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING DISORDERED EATING. AIEEEEEEEEEEE

"Sometimes it feels like the only thing I can control in my life." God. godddd. Not to reveal too much of myself, but this is the only fucking time I've ever seen someone in a show with a similar relationship to food as me. Not out of body image issues, or out of personal neglect, but as like. A bad relationship with food and anxiety

"Wait, do you like that fact that I speak French?" Heehee

HAHAHAHAHA Charlie and Nick pointlessly running away from their field trip even though I'm sure Nick would be ALLOWED to meet up with his own dad. Very rebellious

Well, Stéphane, Nick's Deadbeat Dad, made a brief but impactful appearance

LOVE the double debrief at the hotel of the Tao-Elle kiss

"If you're thinking about giving me another hickey..." [High-pitched, lying] "I wasn't thinking about that."

"I get stressed about everything. You're not special." LOL CHARLIE

Another stressful moment caused by Nick and Charlie's Irrepressible PDA HAHAH:

"When you don't figure out you're gay until your late 20s, you tend to miss out on those beautiful gay teenage experiences." IT WAS THAT FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS SOMETHING GAY!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MR. FAROUK ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I love that every named teacher in this school is gay. 10/10. I want to give the writers a leetle kees on the lips

"You flirting with me?" "Maybe." Mr. Ajayi!!! 👀❤️

I've not really talked about the Tara and Darcy subplot of Darcy being unable to say that she loves Tara or that her parents clearly don't know she's dating her but I am curious where it's leading

Isaac's No. 1 love is books, and I do love that for him

"To be honest, I sort of had a crush on him last year." We return to Charlie representing The Only Out Kid At School Whom All Other People Figuring Out That They're Some Type of Gay May Inevitably Direct Their Feelings

This is officially THE MOST romantically charged field trip I've ever seen in my life. Even Isaac's trying his hand (and his lips):

"We keep escaping parties to hang out with each other." "Are we going to do it every time?" "I hope so." Nick Nelson, you romantic boy

Ah, the teenage experience of drinking whatever someone pours you. I do not miss those days

"I know I've said some homophobic stuff in the past, but I feel like I know better now, and I'll never say anything like that again." Harry. I don't know if this is going to be enough of an apology to get you into the World's Gayest Birthday Party

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO CHARLIE SHUTTING THE DOOR IN HARRY'S FACE. GOOD FOR HIM!!!

"I know who it was. Me. We're dating." Awwwww Nick ❤️

Also, love love love how when everyone's like "U gay?" He consistently clarifies that he's bi

"I'm going to pretend I believe you have food poisoning." I take back everything I said about Mr. Farouk's pedagogy, he's a real one

Also why on EARTH would they not take Darcy to the bathroom to vom and rally first! Unrealistic, blocked. You would not tell a teacher unless she was DYING

Nick and Charlie's very forthright conversation about how they feel about sex. They're very good communicators! 💟

"I love you so much. I know it sounds like I don't mean it, because I'm drunk. But I really do mean it. I love you." Darcy said: The alcohol was communication juice, actually

Don't look at me but Tara kissing Darcy even though she was just sick is very romantic, I said what I said:

"You could just share my bed. No, stupid--" "Youssef. I don't think it's a stupid idea." I do think you should get rid of the Sick Sheets though, I wouldn't want 'em in my room

I repeat: THE MOST ROMANTICALLY-CHARGED FIELD TRIP EVER, IN THE HISTORY OF FRANCE:

I feel from the separate delayed glances the night together between Mr. Farouk and Mr. Ajayi did not go that well

Also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

TAO'S MUM WANTING TO CELEBRATE WITH THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY THAT HE AND ELLE ARE TOGETHER!!! 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘

The shadowy figures as u enter your house. We've all been there, Darcy

Love love love all of Darcy's friends helping to pay for the prom suit

Props to Isaac for deciding to make things clear with James

"You probably just haven't found the right person yet." Hoo boy

"Like, being in a world where romance and sex are prized above everything else when you don't feel those forms of attraction. Growing up feeling about something about you is different, but you don't have the words to describe what that is." 1) I love that Isaac is finally finding words for his experience and 2) It bugs me a leetle when people phrase this idea without including the word CISHETERONORMATIVE, because trans and queer romance and sex are CERTAINLY not prized above everything else. It's a necessary distinction. Anyway, good for Isaac!

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm bisexual." AYY Sahar

Elle's safe place being Charlie and Isaac and Tao 😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘 My heart

"Please don't base your decisions on how I feel. All I care about is you being happy, and wherever you are, I'll still want to be with you." Oh, Tao, you've come so far

"I'm glad you realize what you did was wrong, but you don't get to ambush me into forgiving you." Charlie is SO good at finding words!! He could teach a class

"It's a very attractive sport to women," said Stephane, not knowing he was literally the only person at the table who didn't know his son was dating a guy

Nick said: This is a coming out AND a Deadbeat Dadtervention, get rekt Stéphane

"And I don't know why you're acting like you are ten years old, but your bulying just doesn't affect me anymore, because quite simply, I do not care. I like who I am. I like my life." Oh Nick, David needs to hear this. Also, not to question your speech but you sound like your heart is actively breaking, so I think you do care

"You have not grown up into the man I had hoped you'd be, David." WOW. Even Stéphane knows you're wrong, David. That's gotta hurt!

Mrs. Spring, probably: Wow, so your boyfriend comes from a broken home!

"It was nice to meet your... boyfriend. I don't really understand these things, but he seems like a very nice young man." "He is." Alright, Stéphane, you get $0.000000001 knocked off your Deadbeat Dad Debt

"Talk about my brother like that again, and I'll end you." GET HIM, TORI

"I think Nick just came out on instagram." "Aw, good for him." Very nice, all I did to come out on instagram was put bi hearts in my bio

I thought it was nice that Isaac put his book down to engage with helping with prom, but alas, he is holding it still HA

This show loves a happy/sad juxtaposition, so we must pair Nick and Charlie's semi-successful family dinner with Darcy running away from home

"You should invite him tonight." Gay teachers alliance unite!!!

"And he still carries it all with him. Even though it's over. It still causes him a lot of pain. I don't know, do you think that's true?" "Yeah, yeah, I do. I think when something really bad happens, it can affect you for a really long time." Two teenage boys' first endeavour in finding words to discuss trauma

Nick's face when he learns Charlie hasn't told Tao about the bullying trauma. He knows that means he's told NO ONE

I like Elle's dad, he's fun. I really appreciate that none of the main group's parents except Darcy's appear to be mean

"We've missed you mate." "Yeah. I've missed you too." RUGBY BOYS REUNION 💗

I also haven't really talked about Sahar, bisexual prom guitarist with a frenemieship with Imogen, but I do like her a lot as well

The extra in the green dress staring intently at Tao and Elle is killing me. What a scene-stealer

"I want to go to Lambert." "I know." Shut the fuck up, Elle and Tao are sooooo cute:

[Nervously] "Well... I was going to suggest dinner and drinks next time?" [Softly] "Next time?" NATHAN ❤️ YOUSSEF FOREVER

Omg. Imogen's little musical note animations on Sahar's guitar!! Is her statement about being into girls going to come to fruition!!!

Heartstopper said: There will be NO relationships that do not involve queer or trans people. Not on my watch!!!!!!!

Nick having six of his closest friends over for a prom night chill is extremely relatable. Heartstopper really does touch upon a lot of memories for me LOL

Darcy's mum not even giving a shit her daughter spent the night in a public park. Boooooooooooo

"I hide who I am when I'm at home." Darcy 😭😭😭😭😭

I hope and feel that Darcy has a home in her friends ❤️I believe they all have a home in each other

"You never told me about... the bullying." Nick said: I'm going to drastically change the tone of this evening, Charlie

Ahhhhh, I knew Charlie's admission was coming based on the season's warning, but oof

Nick about to tell Charlie that he loves him, like we can't sense it with every fibre of his being

(Aside: I do think both Charlie and Nick should probably be seeing a therapist, or at the very least a (safe) school counsellor. They're carrying a lot)

Charlie about to text it as well!! I wish for nothing but a kinder world and brighter days ahead for these boys:

[kormenhq]

Have some fic dialogue prompts

All of these prompts are from Pinterest and other tumblr posts. If you want to use any of these in your requests, just tell me which section and what number it is!

FLUFF PROMPTS

1. "I think I might be falling in love with you."

2. "Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day."

3. "Mmm... You're warm."

4. "You're so cute when you're half asleep like this."

5. "I've had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with."

6. "No, you can't get up! You're my prisoner for today."

7. “Your hair is really soft after you wash it.”

8. “Shh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.”

9. “You smell really nice.”

10. “Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you.”

11. “If you steal the blankets, I am going to put my cold feet on you.”

12. “Here, let’s share the blanket.”

13. “You are my new pillow.”

14. “But I want to hear you sing.”

15. “We can talk over dinner.”

16. “Star-gazing was a good idea.”

17. “I think I love you.”

18. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

19. “Shush and go back to bed.”

20. “How about a kiss?”

21. “I’ve missed this.”

22. “It’s too cold! Come back!”

23. “No, I’m not letting you go. It’s too early to get out of bed.”

24. “C’mere, you can sit in my lap until I’m done working.”

25. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

26. "I wanted to see you again."

27. "I thought 'If I just follow the rules, everything's gonna be fine.' And then you came along and pushed me off that path."

28. "You never cease to amaze me."

29. "I have to hand it to you, you certainly know how to make a statement."

30. "I plan to get to know you."

31. "You have something in your hair, umm... Do you want me to get it out?"

32. "No, like... It's just, I can't believe you're actually wearing my clothes."

33. "Would it be too cliche if we matched clothes a little?"

34. "I really love holding you, darling."

35. "Wanna, like- I mean, if you're not busy... We could get lunch? Or even just coffee if you don't have a lot of time?"

-

FUNNY PROMPTS

1. “Where are you going?” “Hell, most likely.”

2. “Where’s your crazy boyfriend?” “Probably doing crazy things.”

3. “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

4. “Are you decent?” “Not morally, but I’m wearing pants, if that’s what you’re asking.”

5. “Why aren’t you dating him?” “Because I’d destroy him.” “He’d be into that.”

6. “Are you SURE I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

7. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

8. “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

9. “Are you drunk?”

10. “Excuse me for freaking out, I only thought you were dead!”

11. “You’re gonna have to limp faster than that…”

12. “You whine about scratches but you don’t let out a peep when you’ve got a gaping wound! The hell is wrong with you?”

13. “I wouldn’t have done that if I knew you were hurt!”

14. “Is the fever getting to you or what?”

15. “Surprise! I’m back from the dead! Isn’t that exciting?”

16. “Can you hold this for me?” “No, I can’t. In case you didn’t know, not everybody has super strength.”

17. “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.”

18. “You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?”

19. “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

20. “Go buy a personality.”

21. “Go to Hell.” “And leave you here all alone?”

22. “Are you sober?” “I’m moderately functional.” “I’ll take that as a no.”

23. “What do you know about it?” “More than you, apparently.”

24. “You’re not my favorite person today.” “I’m not your favorite person on any day.”

25. “You’re insane!” “I know! Isn’t it great?”

26. “Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?” “That’s called a threat.” “Damn.”

27. “You interrupt my reading once more, and this book will become a lethal weapon.”

28. “Kiss me, you twat.”

29. “Take my hand.” “No!” “Look, I’m not trying to ask you to marry me, I’m trying to save your life!”

30. “Just pretend to be my date.”

31. “They did it.” “No, they did.”

32. “It’s not a double date. We’re just third and fourth wheeling.”

33. “Shit, we’re gonna die.” “Now, I don’t wanna hear that negative attitude. Look on the bright side!” “Yay, we’re gonna die! Wooo!”

34. “If you do that again, I’ll throw you out that fucking window you- what are you doing?” “Checking how high the drop is, see if it’s worth it.”

35. "It's cute that you tried to protect me and all, but you're like a foot shorter than me, you know?"

36. "You can touch my hair, but don't mess it up!"

-

HURT/COMFORT PROMPTS

1. "Look, I know we don't know each other that well, but I'm still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone."

2. "If I could, I would kiss away all of your scars."

3. "It's not bad to cry. In fact, I think it makes a person stronger."

4. "Shhh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real."

5. “You know I’m/we’re always here for you, right?”

6. “Please talk to me about it.”

7. “Do the universe a favor: don’t hide your magic.”

8. “You’re trembling.”

9. “You’ve got to calm down before I can fix you up, okay?”

10. “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just… really tired.”

11. “Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go.”

12. “No, no - it’s alright, come here.”

13. “I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again, I promise.”

14. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

15. "May I? Free of charge."

16. "If anything were to happen to you..."

17. "I thought I'd see how you were doing."

18. "I'll leave if you ask me to."

19. "You watch the people you care about age and die."

20. "When things get crazy, don't push me away."

21. "No, don't do that it's not safe."

22. "You're scared of that, aren't you?"

23. "I will always step in between you and something like that."

24. "Why? Because I don't want you to get hurt, that's why!"

25. "You can tell me whatever you want... Even if you don't have a reason to."

26. "Please stay. I'd like some company."

27. "Would you pet my hair?"

28. "I just want to be close to someone for a little bit. Is that okay?"

29. "Can I lay my head in your lap?"

30. "Here, lay down in my lap."

31. "You can't keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won't do any good."

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary285

6/29-30/24

saturday - sunday

didn't draw today (but that is okay (maybe i will?))

mostly i have worked on music, not album related, just stuff for whatever comes after, trying to nail down something to make it compelling for myself to sing on, a part, messing w/ the riffs and mixing and stuff.

just found this:

funny whitebelt thing in the wild, bizarre riffs on this. the rest of the album seems about as good so far.

yeah it's almost over, this is kind of a certified classic if i may say so, or like, when you're look for weird stuff no one really cares about, this is great, super weird riffs, still plays it pretty close to hardcore/pv/metalcore almost but has all kinds of strange flourishes, a lot here to learn from/enjoy, they have an earlier record that i'm excited to hear now, i feel like this is one of those super short emoviolence releases i will find myself coming back to frequently, like palatka and some other stuff.

i don't think i will draw today...not like there is a lot to do. really i want to draw a couple really horrific looking wound-things, and then the rest of the cover i need to wait until i get a photo of myself, basically, and for that i need to feel good about myself, which should be soon, but i need to get good sleep for that to happen!!

i am up right now, not too late but i should be sleeping soon, reading a woman's posts about elden ring's text, as in, the meaning/construction of its meaning and what it points to, it's crazy, because she says a lot of the things i feel, it's really interesting to see, typically with the people into this stuff, a lot of it's about hard details, which is okay, but i do quite like seeing people point out that these games have specific references/evoke ideas from elsewhere in human history, literature and philosophy and so on, here is a post:

i think for her she is pointing at i guess what the characters point at, there was a strange nietzsche reflection today as i played, (the first time in a couple days actually i was taking a break but i woke up so early and figured why not, i suppose), there is this old woman you can encounter in belurat, upon killing messmer, she says some things to you, she is convinced you are one of the dancing lions, and she is grateful to you, and then expresses a guilt, that her ressentiment pushed you to such lengths, the ressentiment of all the beaten/slaughtered has brought you much pain and their relief is here at last a fleeting thing, it still is though. it brings to mind the failure of the moral order which seeks justice in such a way, not that this woman is anything resembling bad, it is instead rather good writing for her to be aware of the ressentiment, of it as something which harms, a difficulty to overcome, in her forgetting, her ability to rest, she rejoins her will, she dies. she was so long cleaved from her will, the stream of life, i think, is maybe what the games point at a lot, the ability to live, for eternal return to not be a crisis but instead the vicious cycle klossowski outlines as an expression of a tragic character perhaps, but still part of a kind of mobility, in truth eternal return becomes impossible as all things mount, forgetting disappears from these worlds, history is atop itself, it is accruing and despite the decay, nothing becomes waste. even in the ruins you see in the games, they are not true ruins really, they are dwellings, nothing sprouts there, the woods are old, the roots evident, you cannot escape the order, or, the order is impressed upon you, constantly.

she also has a post about how the game doesn't seem to be siding with marika/leda/miquella, which i agree with as well, though i do think it tends to agree with leda when she describes the people of the tower being also fucked up, basically, because they are, though this is less some notion of human nature at play i think and instead an expression of a kind of order shared, maybe inherited by both the people of the tower and the erdtree. gosh this is so #nerdy. or like, #dorky. actually. it is like dorkcore. but it's interesting to me because at the end of all that lore junk, you get to the vision of reactionary cultures sprouting up to defend order, in various methods, it is not conquest, it is reaction and suppression which guides the holy sects of either side, or perhaps not just the holy sects, though that is part of the apparatus. really, what it makes apparent, are those apparatuses which exist, the social technologies and the practices that enable them, continuous through this terrible and infinite history.

here too, to return to nietzsche, the way fia represents the self possessed corpses, the deathly as a kind of gentle thing, a will which is snuffed and denied but extant, and a strange reverence in her actions for it, the turn on the saints and christian imagery/text in her character+arc, this here is a transvaluation of things, at least, i feel like it is... perhaps i am #stupid.

anyway, i should sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[narryffdreaming]

Dani, do you ever get hate for being on your 30s and still on tumblr? I’m only asking because I’m a bit older than you and sometimes I feel highly unwelcomed by many people here. I’ve seen blogs saying that we (over 30) are too old and should leave, or making me feel dumb when I share an opinion. From what I’ve seen your blog is pretty chilled and you seem very mature, so I was wondering if you have any tips on dealing with this kind of stuff? Sorry if this message is out of place. Thank you! Hope you’re doing well x

hii! first of all, im really sorry people made you feel like that :( and also im sorry it took me days to answer! tbh i don't think ive ever received any hate bc of my age, at least not directly, but i think that might have something to do with the way i interact with tumblr/other blogs? like, i am 32 and i have no problem with that, i actually LOVE the fact that im not in my 20s anymore, so tbh i would like to see someone even try to say something mean to me about it lol no but honestly, i feel like we shouldn't even be listening to this kind of people ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i work with teenagers/young adults every day, and not even once they've attacked me or bullied me for being older — in fact, im their therapist or their teacher, so im in a position where they PAY ME for my knowledge and experience lmao. so from my pov, the only reason why people on tumblr act like that its because 1) they're hiding behind a blog/fake account, and 2) they can't actually see us bc we're also hiding behind a blog/fake account. so honestly, if you ask me, the way to handle this would be to filter and choose the kind of people you want to "hang out" with. for instance, would you, outside of tumblr, hang out with a 20yo that makes you feel dumb when you share an opinion? because i wouldn't. and of course this doesn't mean i won't talk to a 20yo, or that 20yo aren't nice or kind or funny or smart, but im 32 and that means im 12 (TWELVE!!) years older. which means by the time they were being born i was already kissing boys and had my period for 2 years yknow? lol so of course we are different and thank God for that. that's how it's supposed to be. like, nowadays i have zero (zerooooo) patience for mean girl behavior. is something that it's just wayyyyy past behind me and that i just find so immature and childish that as soon as someone acts like that around me im instantly like 😴 can't even waste my time honestly.

so yeah, i know i KNOW the internet tries to make older people feel bad about themselves, but in all honesty when i listen to conversations teenagers/young adults have around me all my thoughts usually are "awww that's so cute you're so naive and innocent. just wait until you grow up" shajhdujg so yknow... why WHYYYYY would someone behind a screen hold so much power over me when it's practically the same situation?

anyway, i could keep going and going lol, but honestly in the end what i mean is: you're better than them, just let them be immature and childish and find nicer people to follow and talk to, bc there are plenty of fun and kind blogs around here (including some in their mid 20s) who won't shame you or try to ruin your experience just because.

[darlinglilmia]

Not to break your headspace rn if you're in it but you asked for asks so I hope it's okay. I really love your posts about living life as an ab. Going through college and doing everything we're supposed to but also wanting pacis and diapers is so real. And a lot of blogs have this as just a kinky way to get off but you're just sitting here talking about being a kid - not interested in sex, just the simple things in life. And I feel so heard and I'm here for it. [this is a longer version of my earlier ask today saying I love your blog lol]

Now I have an actual question and you're welcome to solicit thoughts from your fellow blogger friends as well: How to navigate little space when you can't stand little talk. Like, I love most of this but the lisping and deformed words and baby speech frikin drives me nuts but I still want to share this space and I don't want to spoil anyones fun. How do you feel about baby talk? Is it unavoidably part of being little? Can I be "truly little" without it? Is there a middle path where I'm not making people change or limit themselves for me while still sharing this with you all??

Sorry if that's rude or sounds venty. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

LONG ASS RESPONSE TO A LONG ASS ASK. LIKE A PURE FUCKING YAP SESSION. I HAVE A KEEP READING FOR A REASON!

Wow, a long ask! Funny thing was, I am rarely in true headspace, and was at the time I saw this.

Yeah, I don't see a lot of college/younger ab's but we so valid tho !! There's mostly just those in their 30's-40's, and maybe that's cus they're (relatively) older and now want to go back to the good old days. i see younger ones now and then tho. and talking as gen z,, are these the "best days of my life"? when do i start seeing "the best years?" like we still young yet wanna be younger. so yeah.

college ab's we so valid !! like we can want to be little and regress but also get out of that because college and careers. balancing that 🥰🥰

To address the kinky part - I am NOT a sfw ab/dl blog. Don't confuse me for that before I go on. With that said, ab/dl's are understandably going to be kinky because of its general separation from agere. There are some sfw, but that's mostly in the agere community, and most agere blogs are strict against ab/dl interactions.

Personally i don't find ageplay sexy but i find diapers (specifically vibrators and bondage for some reason..?) kinda like,, cool. cool in THAT way. like oh? what chu doing in that? ure getting stimulation in a way you can't help? cool. and it's so crinkly? coool.

if you're still reading this: hi, how are you :) tell me ur favorite animal

and yeah i'll repost both abdl and non abdl nsfw content but like,, I get your need for sfw ab/dl content because there really isn't any. there's sfw agere that's like 2-6 headspace wise then ab/dl pages but it's @geplay and like,, give me my 1-2 sfw ab/dl agere tumblr page rep !!

With your question: yes. you can absolutely be in little space without little talk!! you don't need to little talk to be in little space. everyone has their own agere behaviors dipshit it came free with your little space (please get the reference). Lisping, talking different, etc. is part of being an actual child, and age regressors try to replicate that to feel truly little. But I get seeing others talk like that is kinda weird.

You shouldn't hate on anyone for talking different or more "little" like in headspace, and you can still be little while not lisping or using more baby-like speech. That doesn't define being little, but for others is a trait of it. You just have different ways of navigating ur headspace and baby talk isn't one of those. It's like how others wear diapers and some don't, how some like paci's and some don't, etc.

you're not rude or venty, you're fine, and you're valid for ur thoughts <3 thanks for da asky ask!